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| Photo Credit: theography101.blogspot.com |
Today we are fooled by the media's definition of love, which, in reality, is lust. Lust seeks to use a person for one's own gratification and pleasure. This way of thinking views another person as an object instead of a human with dignity. The term for this flawed understanding of love is utilitarianism. It is defined as, "using people for one's own gain". Lust is also closed to the possibility of life. Lust treats a woman's fertility as a curse instead of a gift. Contraceptives are used to prevent pregnancy. Lust strips the value from a person and only sees the exterior; what the body can offer. Lust grasps.
Love, in contrast, is free, total, faithful, and fruitful. These are four important characteristics of love. These are part of a couple's wedding vows, and they guide the husband and wife in love within the bounds of marriage.
Love is free. You are not controlled by your desires and no one is controlling you. The choice to love is yours entirely. The world's approach to sex and "love" is not free. There are countless stories of sex being pressured at the end of a date, forced in abuse, and sold in prostitution. People consumed by lust cannot love freely because they are controlled by their own desires.
Love is total. Love is an active decision. "It is the choice to give oneself to another and to do so totally." This is called "total self-donation". A husband and wife will give of themselves completely to the other, in all aspects of their lives. "Safe" sex, one-night stands, and contraceptives, particularly within marriage, are not total gifts of self.
Love is faithful. The husband and wife are committed to one another and their actions are guided by their faith to the other. No matter what feelings may change, they choose to be faithful, and to love each other. The husband and wife are chaste in their relationship, even in marriage; they don't let lustful thoughts corrupt their love. TV shows today, such as Mistresses and Masters of Sex, promote a culture of infidelity and reduce women and men to objects, focusing only on what can be obtained from a person's body.
Love is fruitful. A couple is open to new life physically. The spouses are also life-giving to one another. They can build each other up spiritually and emotionally. Today, sex is not open to life and contraceptives are widely used. There are ways to plan a family without using contraception. It is called NFP, or Natural Family Planning. When NFP is practiced properly, it enhances authentic love in marriage; it doesn't hinder it, as with contraception.
Love is free, total, faithful, and fruitful. It is a complete gift of self within marriage.
St. Pope John Paul II also described three aspects of love in our everyday lives: Love as Attraction, Love as Desire, and Love as Goodwill. Love as Attraction is being able "to see the inner and outer beauty of a person". Love as Desire is "the desire for goodness and happiness". Love as Goodwill "is willing the good of another person". This last type of love is the closest type of love to which God loves us. Another word to describe this love is agape.
In conclusion, love seeks to give of itself. Lust seeks to take. Serving others, recognizing another person's dignity, and desiring happiness and goodness are all ways to live out and distinguish authentic love from lust.
The picture above is a great visual aid to describe the differences between love and lust that are discussed in this post!
Praying for you all!
Quotes and definitions from:
Theology of the Body for Teens by Jason and Crystalina Evert and Brian Butler
Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla
I do agree with your comment on the media making lust look like love. I believe that this is portraying a wrong message to our youth of society, who may not know what it means to show real love. This could also explain why it is said that chivalry is dead. However, I am confused as to why you believe that lust treats a woman's fertility as a curse. If a person choses to have a one night stand, it is not because of lust in my opinion, there are so many other factors that come into play with this situation. I would personally like to call this being selfish. You can have sex with someone without ever having any emotion towards them. Having lust does require having emotion.
ReplyDeleteLust is not open to the possibility of life. Particularly through the use of contraceptives and abortion-inducing drugs, the woman's fertility is viewed as a hindrance instead of a pure gift because the need for procreation is seen as unnecessary. Procreation is a characteristic of marriage.
DeleteWith one night stands and hook-ups, even if it is mutual, it shows disrespect "because you are sharing a sign of commitment, love, and unity that does not exist." Lust is misdirected desire. It seeks to use another, instead of giving. Love cannot be based upon emotion alone. St. Pope John Paul II said that, "...lust is a deception of the human heart in the perennial call of man and woman to communion by means of mutual giving." When people "hook up", the sacredness of sex is devalued. It loses its power to bond two people. This is why sex is saved for marriage. The act of sex says, "I am totally yours. I belong completely to you." Most people don't mean to say this outside of marriage. It is a total gift of self that, through the eyes of love, can be given and received by a spouse. Love is required to give and receive of such a gift. "People may choose to have sex (because God gave us free will), but no one is free to change the meaning of sex." Even if a couple who "hooks up" has good intentions, through the language of their bodies, the act expressed is a lie because they are not completely committed to one another. This language of the body and of sex can only be true and understood when speaking of marital love. This is why hook-ups and sex outside of marriage are wrong.