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In his book, Love and Responsibility, Karol Wojtyla says, "Sensual or emotional reactions to a person of the other sex which arise before and develop more quickly than virtue are something less than love. They are however more often than not taken for love and given that name - and it is to love thus understood that chastity is hostile, and an obstacle." In simpler words, this means that, when interactions with a person of the opposite sex are purely physical, the growth of love and virtue is prohibited. To many, these interactions are understood as love, and from this point of view, chastity is seen as a threat.
Wojtyla then states, "Only the sensual and emotional elements around the value of the person entitles us to speak of love. . . Since sensations and actions springing from sexual reactions and the emotions connected with them tend to deprive love of of its crystal clarity - a special virtue is necessary to protect its true character and objective profile. This special virtue is chastity. . ."
Chastity is not a set of restrictions in a person's life. It safeguards the meaning of genuine love. Chastity allows a "deeper form of love" to grow because it "tests a couple's love in order to see if they are willing to sacrifice." "Because the chaste couple desire closeness just as much as any other couple, the practice of purity [causes] them to learn nonsexual ways to express intimacy."
Chastity can be lived out whether you're single, in a relationship, or married. The practice of chastity isn't easy - it is a struggle - but its effects are rewarding. It directs the focus of any relationship(friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife) to the dignity of the individual and it respects the inherent value of the person.
References:
How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul by Jason and Crystalina Evert
Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla
Debunking the Myths About Chastity - chastityproject.com
Your description of Chastity brought a new perspective to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree that a relationship should not only be about physical interactions and that it should be more on an emotional/spiritual level, but I don't necessarily agree that engaging in sexual experiences with someone instantly becomes love between the two. There are many people, especially at younger ages, that believe that they should have sex with their partner because they are in love and think they are ready, when really they're not. That, in turn, distorts the vision of love for them.
I can understand that, but not everyone is that naive. When having sexual encounters of any kind, a person needs to be knowledgeable of what they're comfortable with, what the other person is comfortable with, and most importantly the circumstances the two are under (ex: friends with benefits relationship). That way, the two understand exactly what is going on.
The way that I see sexual urges vs. love is that we all have sexual urges, it's a natural part of life. We are all built to reproduce and pass our genes down each generation. Giving into sexual urges is nothing to be ashamed of or frowned upon, but when someone starts to mistake a sexual encounter for love, I think that the person needs to step out of their own perspective and look at the situation from a third person point of view. It also depends greatly on the relationship the person is in, but I think that sexual encounters bring a deeper meaning to love when you know that they may be "the one." As cheesy as this may sound, I think it is a soul and skin deep bonding between two people whom love each other very much.
This topic is obviously very complex, so I will end my comment here.
I do agree with your earlier comment that sexual experiences do not instantly create love. Many of the quotes I added in this post supported that idea.
DeleteWe all have sexual desires and they are completely natural. They are not things to be suppressed. But with saying that, sexual desires must be directed towards chastity, which communicates love. Hook-ups and "friends with benefits" do not communicate that. Chastity and "being chaste" communicate love because they recognize the sacredness and meaning of sex. This is why sex is saved for marriage, because, as you said, it is a "deep bonding between two people." This gift can only be given inside of marriage because, in the sexual act, the language of sex says, "I am completely yours, and I belong totally to you." Sex outside of marriage cannot communicate this because it is not a complete gift of self. Your last paragraph emphasizes some of those points.
I honestly disagree with the fact that sex should be saved until marriage, but I do understand where you're coming from.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what your opinion is on this: When having sex, you of course want to be able to pleasure your partner in every way. Usually, when two people are having sex for the first time, it is awkward and hurts for the woman (it depends on if they've broken their hymen previously for various reasons).
There are a few things that come to mind when I think of a married couple having sex for the first time. On top of the pressure of never having had sex with someone, there is also the possibility that either partner may not know what they're doing and will be unable to pleasure their partner.
With that being said, I think that engaging in sexual acts before marriage allows you not only be knowledgeable of how to pleasure your lover, but to also give you a sense of control when it happens.
I assume that your opinion will be different than mine on this matter, but think about it for a second and put yourself in that situation.
I have thought about this topic a lot and I have also done a lot of research on it. When a couple saves sex for marriage, it can be awkward the first time, but sex isn't designed simply for pleasure. Sure, it can be a pleasurable experience, but focusing on one another's sexual satisfaction moves the focus of the relationship from the whole person to simply their body. It is a form of objectification.
DeleteIn marriage, one way to grow with your spouse is to discover ways to develop physical intimacy within the bounds of marriage. Marriage has two purposes: unity and procreation. Sex before marriage can also create false ideas of intimacy. Physical intimacy often replaces and devalues non-sexual intimacy.
Marriage allows a couple to give their entire selves to the other as a gift. Part of loving another person is accepting that gift of self as well as being able to give of oneself. Even if physical intimacy is awkward for the first time, it shouldn't matter to the couple because they see one another as a gift, and they are completely accepting of one another.
In marriage, a person gives of themselves freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully. Those are characteristics of married love. As Jackie Francois says, "Trust me: when sex includes all of those things, that’s when someone really knows what they’re doing."
I forgot to add to my post that engaging in sexual acts doesn't necessarily have to be hook-ups or friends with benefits. It could be with a boyfriend that you've been in a relationship with for while and are comfortable enough with him to have sex. But, it would still be before marriage.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your definition of chastity. But in saying that I don't think sex should be saved until marriage but it should be saved for someone you give yourself completely to.
ReplyDeleteThe complete gift of self you speak of happens within marriage. As I mentioned in the above comments, marriage provides a couple with that place where they can give of themselves freely and completely. Outside of marriage, this degree of physical intimacy creates a barrier to true intimacy and love. To agree with chastity is to agree with this idea. Chastity is not only "the sure way to happiness," but it is also the best way to communicate love because it is not focused on what one wants. It is selfless; it is concerned with the well-being of the other person and this is communicated and offered through a sacrifice of one's own desires. This is one of the reasons why sex is saved for marriage.
DeleteI really like your point of view on this subject.
ReplyDelete