Wednesday, May 6, 2015

In the Depths of Despair

Our lives are painted with the pain and hardships we suffer. Sometimes our lives feel bleak, colorless, and aimless, and we are left to struggle with deprecating thoughts about our errors, our failures, and shortcomings. We even doubt the good that is present in our lives. We look at the world and the culture around us, and we lose hope, not only for the rest of humanity and our own futures, but sometimes we lose hope and faith in God, and we then linger alone in despair.

We feel utterly lost, and the actions of others can oftentimes push us away, which only further separates us from the world. Our minds become closed, and then, our hearts. We give no opportunity for redemption, or hope. Our faith is shattered. We feel like we have been deserted. Anger and bitterness take the place of love and faith. Looking to God, we ask, "Why do you put these things in my life? Why do you make these terrible things happen in my life?" We believe it is the fault of God.

This is, sadly, what many people I know believe. But it is not so. God's love is far greater than that. 

It may not seem so, but I struggle greatly with many things. One thing I have experienced many times is that people in my life leave or become distant. My best friend, the person I confide in and who I used to spend the most time around, now lives eight hundred miles away, in New Mexico. We are still best friends; everything now poses more of a challenge. It can be very lonely. Even with the friends I have in college, my time is commonly spent in solitude more than in others' company. Additionally, it is hard for me to find people that I can converse with about Catholicism and theology, both which I am passionate about. It gets very lonely and there are days that I feel like there is little hope to be had. Sometimes, the only person I have to talk to and tell everything is God. I ask so many questions, which still are unanswered. He speaks in ways I can never fathom. Sometimes He answers a prayer by not answering it.

Our struggles and hardships are not caused by God nor do they come from God. We suffer because of the Fall of Adam and Eve. That is our inheritance. Their choice to disobey God is handed down to each of us, and we now must suffer the consequences of our choices. We are tested by what we suffer and endure. But why are those who are good always suffering? Why must we suffer?

St. Pope John Paul II gives us an answer: 
"In order to perceive the true answer to the "why" of suffering, we must look to the revelation of divine love, the ultimate source of the meaning of everything that exists. Love is also the richest source of the meaning of suffering, which always remains a mystery: We are conscious of the insufficiency and inadequacy of our explanations. Christ causes us to enter into the mystery and to discover the "why" of suffering, as far as we are capable of grasping the sublimity of divine love. In order to discover the profound meaning of suffering . . . we must above all accept the light of revelation. . . . Love is also the fullest source of the answer to the question of the meaning of suffering. This answer has been given by God to man in the cross of Jesus Christ." - Salvifici Doloris
Christ suffered for us on the cross. He could have chosen differently, but He chose to give His life for us. It is the greatest act of love we can ever know. 

But when we feel abandoned and alone, what do we do? We must choose to love. We must love God and we must continue to love even when others have failed to love us. When others fail to represent Christ, as we all are called to do, we cannot turn away from faith. It is especially then that we must choose love and hope. God does not wish us to suffer. He wishes us to be in peace with Him.

For me, I turn to prayer. I may not always find answers, but I find hope and cling to faith. I think that that is what has kept me pressing forward: hope that a better day will come and the faith that God has a plan, even if I do not know of it yet. It isn't easy. And I don't think it is supposed to be. We can offer our sufferings up to God and have faith in Him and His plan. 

I am still working on dealing with hardships that I face. Sometimes it is overwhelming. But do I know that without a hope for the future, the faith that everything happens for a reason, and a love of Catholicism, I would not be where I am today nor would I be the person I am today. 

 “For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

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