So, I have finished my first year of college. And I have learned many things, both things I should have already known, and things that I knew at one point in my life, but which I should not have forgotten. Academically, I learned a lot, but I think it was the discoveries I made about myself, my relationships with other people, and simply about life in general that have stuck out the most. Looking back on the entire year, there are so many things I wish I would've done differently. There are relationships I wish I would've fostered more, as well as some relationships I should have evaluated more in depth. I am still working on developing my circle of friends at college. It isn't easy. But if there is one thing I have learned, it is that our relationship with solitude is fickle: we either seek it, or we seek to flee from it. I have experienced both in this past year and learned much from both.
Reflecting on the past year, I have put together a small list of things I want to share with new college students, current college students, or anyone experiencing change in their lives. I hope these things can help you in any endeavor you are undertaking.
1. Form your own opinions about the people you meet.
NEVER form an opinion of someone based off of what somebody else told you. Firstly, that creates a barrier from you having the chance to learn how to interact with different types of people. Secondly, it prohibits you from ever being able to form unexpected friendships and, by extension, relationships with other people. Lastly, and, most importantly, it denies a person the dignity they deserve. If we base our thoughts solely on the opinions of others, how can we think for ourselves and find the good in the people we meet? How can we see the good in other people if we never give them the opportunity to show us? Being a friend doesn't mean you have to agree with someone about everything, rather, it is in creating a relationship with someone in spite of that which you disagree on.
2. Be bold. Step out of your comfort zone. Do not let fear or uncertainty or doubt hinder you.
There are many things I look back on now that I wish I would've done: Pursue that relationship. Message that friend. Be silly. Take that chance. Don't worry about what others think. Appreciate the present moment.
I once saw a story where a woman overcame each of the fears she had, not by fleeing from them, but by facing them. She was afraid of heights, so she went skydiving. She was afraid of swimming, so she joined a diving team. This woman did not let her fears limit her. Instead, she used fear as her greatest motivator. I know for me, I have a fear of the unknown. It is rather abstract, but it seems to be the only thing that describes it. Many times, I hesitate to message other people, even just casually, because I overthink everything. I prefer talking face-to-face or calling those I know well because it's easier. It is one of the things I have been working on. But the important thing is to not let things like that get in the way of forming friendships or in the way of living life to the fullest.
3. Be unapologetically YOU.
No matter what, be yourself, without any reservations. Now, you may ask: what exactly does that mean? Well, it is still something I am coming to understand. Sometimes, when we are around certain groups of people, we act differently: more formal, more crazy, or more reserved. We don't always reveal our most authentic selves. I think the primary reason for this is that we are so concerned with how others think of us. Maybe too concerned. We are afraid of what other people will think for a multitude of reasons. We worry about sharing our beliefs because we fear we will be ostracized. We worry about sharing our feelings because we fear we will be pegged as clingy, emotional, or weak. We worry about speaking our mind because we fear that we will be labeled by the minutest thing we say. We fear how we will be perceived by others. We fear rejection. We hope for that day when we can confidently change every "we" and every generalization to an "I" and not be concerned about what others will say afterwards. We desire to belong and to be remembered and to be thought of.
I want to tell you to not worry. You are unique and valued. You matter and nobody can change that. Even when you don't feel that way. Do not worry about what other people will think. Ever. I still struggle with that, but, oftentimes, I give the advice I seek the most myself. My greatest hope is that I can help someone else through that and let them know that they are not alone.
Finally, share this post with anyone who needs a reminder that they are important and to remind them that you care and are thinking about them. It is often the littlest things that mean the most to people.
All my love,
Darria Dennison
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